Did you know?

October is Compost month!

You can get free compost from NYC - and NOW is the time to mulch plant beds, as it gets cooler - be sure to take advantage of this if you can:

Compost give away

When it rains...

Amy, who is one if my best friends since we were like 12, currently lives in London with her finace, Issac. Another dear friend, Sara, lives in Brooklyn. Sara, Amy and I are all very close, and have been since highschool. I am blessed to have that connection. Being that Sara now lives in Brooklyn, the funny part is that I actually saw more of her when she lived in California. We are trying to remedy that, however. Sara and I have been tag-teaming Amy to convince her to come and play in NYC with us for quite some time. Narda and I have just finished the spare room conversion, so that it is more of a spare room, with a full sized bed, and not just an aerobed (SORRY JEN & CAIT!) :) (I think they Jen & Cait's blog have logged more hours on our poor aerobed than any of our other friends..... You'll just have to come back, and enjoy a REAL bed dears...) but I digress. So the spare room is complete and ready for visitors. There's still some home office residue, but it has a nice full size bed that can be a couch during other times, and it's REALLY Comfy! See the bed here... and be sure to click on the other views - it's REALLY nice! But I digress again...

So Sara nad I finally work our magic on Amy, and a few months ago, she calls, telling us that she and Issac will come to NYC, only if we are both in town, while they are en-route to her mom's place in Portland for turkey day. I jump with glee, and tell her yes, and in fact, she and Issac can have their very own bedroom and bathroom!

Weeeee! We'll have MUCH fun - I haven't seen Amy in about 2 years, although we've spoken on the phone quite a bit - it's pretty cheap for the UK to call the states - MUCH cheaper than for me to call home ot Portland, even. So we talk a lot, but I haven't seen her. So insert happy dance here. She comes the weekend before thanksgiving, and will stay Friday to Monday at our place. We are thrilled, and there will just be a lot of hanging out, as Amy's been to NY a zillion times, and has no desire to see anything - just Sara, Narda and I.

Cut to the dillema - ANOTHER old and cherished friend, Thauna who lives in Hawaii, calls me last week to say that she had tried to e-mail me (perhaps the "I quit the evil, mafia aol people and switched to the glorious and wonderful g-mail e-mail got lost en route to her? - perchance...) but it didn't go through. So she calls to say that her sister, Rhada, is getting married. Guess when? The weekend of November 18th. She's coming from Hawaii to NYC. I insist that she and her boyfriend stay with us. We spend a wonderful hour catching up, hearing all of the new things in each others lives and loves, talking aobut my old fantasy that I'll win the lottery, and thus have enough money to have a sucessful IVF procedure, and fly her in to be my one and only midwife and doula. It's a lovely conversation.

30 seconds before I hang up, my lack of short term memory (yeah, OK, so I smoked some pot in highschool and college...) remembers that Amy and Issac are coming. THE SAME WEEKEND. CRAP.

I have told both wonderful women that the other is coming, and I have told Thauna that I gave dibs on the spare room to Amy and Issac first, and that she can have the room Thursday and Monday night, and that if they are amenable, we can camp them out on our living room the other times.

But it's such a dillema! Amy is coming to town JUST to see me. Thauna is coming to see me, but mostly, for her sister's wedding. Also, ALL of her siblings will be here, too, and I haven't seen them all in the same place since 1988! I know Thauna's time will be eaten by wedding activities, but I wish I didn't have to share my attention like that.

OY.

What's a girl to do? ANY And ALL advice is welcome (except assvice) :)

(If good things happen in threes, well, y'all can figure out what might G-d willing, ptth, ptth (that's the spit sound) knock on wood happen that weekend too.... but shhh, don't say anyhting to the universe about that, wouldn't want to jinx it...)

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

linked found at the almighty Dooce...

but I'm sending in my membership donation now!

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

Cat is....

PREGNANT!

House of Miao


:insert EVERY happy icon you can think of right here!:

She's on the right meds now, so G-d willing, this should be a VERY Sticky bean.

Send ALL good thoughts to Mrs. Miaow!

We are SOOO happy for you dear Cat!

Inconceivable

OK - it's SO much better than I thought it would be!

heh - I was all ready to be bitter and angry about it, but I totally cried when that little blonde nurse couldn't adopt the little black baby... Sad

And I think the "rejected" nurse chick is gonna collect his spooge to use against him, by loading it up in someone else, and creating a whole new scandal....

I like the story line of the priest and his wife, and of the soldier and the embryos. it's actually not bad.....

I think I'll watch it again.

case in point

'nuff said....

Where have all the FF'ers gone?

long time passing? Where have all the FF'ers gone, long time ago?

They done up and left due to the "icing" on the cake, if you will, of Big Brother watching and slapping hte wrists for asking "silly" questions, like: "why was I banned for asking about community credits," or: "Why was I reported in a buddy group for using a swear word?" Then they have the AUDACITY to tell folks that the (free software, mind you) message boards will now be available to paying customers only.

I was "grandfathered in" from my old lifetime VIP status, but many of the women that I have come to know and adore are not. And no longer have access to the boards.

So what's any right minded hormonaly pumped up woman to do? LEAVE! Start a NEW forum somewhere else - somewhere where there is no censorship, drama or big brother watching - because last time I checked, (with a small exception of course), the majority of women there are, um, oh darn, what's the phrase I'm looking for? OH YES..... Smart, intelligent GROWN UPS, who don't need teacher listening in on the bathroom door.

So although it's a bit harder to lurk on other "boards," if you will, here are the three places I've gone to:

For my lesbain mama friends: Conchita's place

For my "Preggo after IUI" friends: Connected moms

And for my life line, my NY/NJ Gals: Fertility Family

So there you have it.

I cannot post these links on Fertility Friend, so I post them here, hoping that y'all are reading my blog! :)

If we ever try sperm again, which may happen aftger we've been waiting in our adoption process for a year, then I might chart again, and I'll post a link if it does.

But for now, I just like the support of chatting with my friends - and many of these women I've known now for over three years, and they have TRULY become my friends.

S
Cat
Jen and Cait
Jenni
Jess

(There are more of you wonderful, fabulous women, but I have to go shower and leave for work..... I'll update it later.)



So ladies, I look forward to continuing the journey.

Ta ta to the tyrany that was Fertility Friend - it used to be a great place....

kate calling the show

kate calling the show, originally uploaded by Rosie O'Donnell.

Go RO!

Rosie O'Donnell has taken a picture of her Stage Manager calling Fiddler on the Roof.
SM's rarely get a thank you, let alone a Flickr picture.

So thanks, Ro!

(from the gal who stage managed the Drama League benefit that honored you.)

Stef as Mabel

Stef as Mabel, originally uploaded by shellipsm.

That's the awesomly talented Stef pointing to herself as Mabel in Pirates of Penzance.

We went to see her Saturday night, and we were BLOWN away by her talent!

Look out for this upcoming STAR!

not realizing how much it still hurts...

The pain of this thing called "infertility" can creep up on you when you least expect it.

It usually happens on Friday nights, at Shul. This Friday night, not only was there another pregnant lesbian, but our favorite two year old was there, and responding to the "nishekah" (Hebrew for kiss) that I had been teaching him for two years by pukering his lips in my general direction when I said nishekah! (HOW CUTE IS THAT!) But there was also a pair of dads there with a two month old new born.

Seeing C preggers was REALLY hard, although she did have one m/c (I think, as we're not close, so I can only guess) but she and her partner haven't tried that long.

Narda pointed out to me, as we left shul that she wishes I had someone to talk to about all of this. She sees the pain I feel through infertility, and I tell her - yeah, I'm really fucking jealous of minor acquaintences that I see get pregnant, when I can't.

It hurts.

And for the first time in this journey, I realized that altough she loves me with every fiber of her being, she doesn't understand this primal pain called infertility. She longs for a baby, sure, but the feelings of failure, incompleteness, inadequacy, physical shortcoming, all of it, it is not a known quantity to her.

And I realize that I wish none of you had to experience it. It's a hurt like no other. And unless you've been there, you can't understand.

I DO so thank you for the love and support, it helps.

If you've been there, or are there, I hear ya, sister, I hear ya.

Quincy beast

Here's a video of our little Quincers (aka the SPAZ) Chasing the "big red bug" aka - the laser pointer.

Enjoy!

go here

Bush vacation

Bush vacation, originally uploaded by Julikt.

As Bush JUST quoted in his speech:

"this was NOT a normal hurricane."

Um, WTF! Please feel free to describe what IS a "normal" hurricane.

Catching up with the 21st century

I have switched my internet browser to Mozilla Firefox, thanks to the download link from Cat. IT'S AWESOME! Better than Safari even!

I then realized that it doesn't have the built in instant messenger that Netscape had, and I needed a way to instantly communicate with people like Cat, to see if she's free to go and grab some lunch, or to see who's on line, etc.

So I did a google search and found Adimux - it's GREAT! It's kind of like ichat, but BETTER - LOADS of preferences, and you can change the sounds, the icons, and even the way the list of people on line looks.

What's also great is that you can interface AIM, Yahoo MSN and ALL instant messenger stuffs into one account! And it's FREE!

I SWEAR I wasn't hired to advertise them, but I feel that I should get some bonus points or something...

Anyhoo, here's the link: Cute Ducky IM thinggy

And feel free to let me know your aim name, and I'll add you to my list!

Need anything more be said?

Contributions STILL needed

The story that made me cry was the one about a man who was trapped in his home for three days, standing on a chiar, holding his cat. When he was rescued, he had to leave his cat behind, but it was Noah's Wish that went back to get his cat the next day, and reunite them. I sent them as much money as I could, as the furry ones can't cry out for help or make signs...

Go here to help: Noah's Wish

Narda's result...

hahahahahaha - Clarissa's girlfriend, Toni! :)

You scored as Toni. You are Toni, the highly-feminine, Puerto Rican lesbian of your gang. You've been letting your attention stray from your long-time partner. It's time to take her to bed and find a new use for that goose-necked lamp!

Which Dyke to Watch Out For Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Which Dyke to Watch Out For are you?

Dykes to Watch out for is a VERY funny Cartoon Strip, that became a book, that became my only friend all of those ancient years ago, when I was coming out. :)

I had pretty much forgotten about the brilliance of Alison's writing until we were in DC last weekend, and Jen and Cait had ALL of her books! So of course, I pick one up and begin reading, and begin laughing - especially now, re-reading it from the "other side of the closet"

It's STILL Brilliant.

So I stumble upon this quiz at Jen's blog! And I share it with you...

You scored as Clarice. You are Clarice, a driven, liberal, workaholic lawyer. The Bush Administration has caused you a lot of anxiety lately. You have orders to cut one volunteer commitment and spend more time playing GTA3 with your son Raffi.

Which Dyke to Watch Out For Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

It was a beautiful day, kind of like today...

Narda and I were asleep, and Tom had just come in from walking the dog, Resque. He said Shelli, Narda, wake up, a plane just hit the World Trade Center.

Now Narda and I are both theatre folks, and generally have a slightly difficult time waking up.

We thought Tom was kidding. He said no. We turned on the news. We thought it was a small sesna plane or something similar, a mistake, an accident.

We watch the news some more, and plane two hits. We lose color in our faces, and run up to the roof, we can't see anything. We throw on bras and somewhat acceptable clothing and run outside.

At the time, we lived on West 27th Street and 6th avenue, and had a nice little view of the towers from our corner.

Traffic was NON existant. People were flooding the streets.

There was smoke coming out of the twin towers.

We are in shock, go back inside, make coffee, and stay glued to the TV for hours. I put a video tape in to catch the news of the day. (I still haven't watched it again...)

Around 10am, we decide to do something. We all go out and vote.

We come outside from voting, on 23rd and 6th, and I look downtown. I say to Tom and Narda: "Hey, you guys, I think there's only one tower." Tom just reassures me that it's the smoke from the towers obscuring the view.

We walk back to the apartment, and back to the tv... My sick vision has come to pass. BOTH towers are now gone.

I had been having problems with my old roommate Jane, as we had been friends since Junior highschool, and we had been roommates for about 7 years - far too long to live with someone that you are not having sex with. I remember that she works for the Federal Reserve bank of NY, and I immediately try to use the phone. No luck. No internet, no cell phones, and land line service is intermitant. I finally get a hold of Jane's folks in Portland, Oregon, and Yes, they have heard from her. Thank G-d. She, and her fellow employees have been ushered down into the basement of her building, and they had one phone, but no news. They are eventually let out to go home, and she, among the others, walk home through the smoke, debris, ash, and human remains.

We thoguht the death toll was 10 thousand. It was almost 3 thousand. 3 thousand too many. Young, old, rich and poor.

At the time, I didn't know Jordana and David; Narda and I would meeet them a few years later, in our Derech Torah class. We became friends, and have continued that friendship past the class's end date. Jordana's father perished in the towers. Herman Sandler, z'l. They read his name today. I thought it was a hard day for me and my memories. I cannot imagine being in her shoes.

Jordana, I send you love. nothing more, and certainly nothing less.

How YOU doin?

One of the blogs I usually read...The Naked Ovary

decided to ask everyone today how THEY were doing - since a blog is a place where we tell you, the world, wide internet how WE are doing on a daily, or almost, or OK, school starts Monday - ACK, weekly basis, I liked that she turned the tables around...

this was my response to her:

I am overwhelmed with the grief of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

I am ANGRY at people that compare it to September 11th. I live here, dammit, I WATCHED the fucking first tower fall, don't you DARE compare it.

I am bitter at everyone on my fertility friend on-line supprot group that has gotten pregnant by just looking at sperm, and we NEVER got pregnant after 14 medicated IUI cycles.

I am anxious that my boss and I missed a scheduling glitch and will have some MAJOR fixin' to do come Monday...

I miss my girlfriend/partner/lover/what is the PC term these days? She's in California, and comes home to me on Sunday

I am sad by the loss of the relationship between my mother and I - she doesn't have all of her "there" there, and it hurts to try and remember that.

I am grateful that you asked how I'm doing, and that you ACTUALLY want to hear the answer. I, as well, am SO fascinated by those that ask it all the time, I simply reply: "do you really want to know, or do you just want to hear "fine, thanks, and you?" Because if they want to know, I'll tell them. And most of the time, I'm happy and content with my life, and happy to tell them that, too - just today, however, today, I have a lot of feelings swirling around, and I think I'll copy this post and post it on MY blog, and ask them how THEY are doing.

Thanks for letting me tell you how I'm doing today.

I pray your wait gets shorter and shorter...

Love,
Shelli

So, dear internet, I ask YOU - "how YOU doin?"

Please feel free to share. honestly.

Who I'm voting for on Tuesday...

On Tuesday, September 12th, 2005, I will be voting for the following people:

FOR MAYOR: VIRGINA FIELDS

FOR MANHATTAN BOROUGH PRESIDENT: MARGAURITA LOPEZ

FOR PUBLIC ADVOCATE: BETSY GOTBAUM

CITY COUNCIL:
DISTRICT 8: JOHN RUIZ

DISTRICT 9: YASMIN CORNELIUS

DISTRICT 10: MIGUEL MARTINEZ

I may not be the NY Times, but these are my endorsemensts. I made my decisions based on these few simple platforms:

1) Do they support allowing Narda and I to marry? THEY ALL DO.

2) Do they support teachers AND students? YES

3) Are they sincere? (I've met a few of them, and yes, they are!)

So there ya have it, my endorsements for the primaries 2005!

Stirring the pot...

Our journey through infertility and adoption has its ebb and flow of emotion.

Usually, I'm of the mindset that "it will happen, we are blessed to have so many calls in the past few months, our baby is out there, yada yada yada"

I am now, however, in a bitter and rensentful place. (this too shall pass, but let me enjoy being a bitch about it for a while...) There is an on line support group I joined nearly 3 years ago when Narda and I started this journey to parenthood, thinking "we'll get pregnant in the first few months, it will all be so easy."

And then the universe laughed at us.

We tried for over 14 cycles, with GREAT timing, medication, good sperm (4 different anonymous donors) and a clean bill of health from my primary, my gyn, and my RE (reproductive endocronologist) After the first few times, my friends started tuning out, I was still so fascinated by the science of it all, and kept forgetting that my friends really DIDN'T care aobut my uterus or my cervical mucous... Because to me, it was simply science - to them, it was TMI...

Each time it didn't work, I got more and more numb to the process, and continued to look at it as science. I took comfort in food, and I gained weight. (the fertility drugs helped that a little bit, but in reality it was me, and thinking that going to the gym would be "bad" for an embryo.... I just used that as an excuse not to go) I lost a part of myself in the process, Narda and I lost a part of us in the process, we forgot why we were doing this to begin with.

Fast forward to July 2004, when we went to our orientation session at Spence Chapin It was a breath of fresh air, and we decided to focus solely on adoption, after using up the sperm we had in storage. Our agency is GREAT, truly. The wait it hard, but it WILL happen - you all have read about how close we have come, and our awesome social worker, Nicole, told me just a few days ago that there is a lot of positive interest in us, that nothing is solid yet, but that she should be giving us a call in a few weeks.

ALL of this to say (I never was good at making things short), I have allowed myself to dabble in the bitterness a bit, and to be a bit sassy on my on-line support group - specifically in the donor sperm boards. (I am SO grateful for the NY/NJ boards, as that's where I met Stef and Cat and I TRULY do not think that I could have survived this journey without them - thank you for that. (I ADORE you two!)

But back to the fun... so the donor sperm boards has a fun mixed group of hormonal women - lesbians, single women, married couples with male factor infertility, and LOTS of hormones, because when you move into the realm of donor sperm, it's almost a guarantee that fertility will be involved. Lately, there has been a rash of women who NEVER post, and then pop in and say something like: "Wow! It worked on the first try, we're pregnant!" And expect everyone to rush in and congratulate them. I used to give a hearty Mazel Tov to each and every BFP (big fat positive on a pregnancy test) announcement. I've stopped, and in fact, one woman posted that she used her husband's sperm as an insemination, and on the first time, bam! She's preggers, and makes a post that says "it works!" Well, imagine just how thrilled for her I was... So I left a sassy reply, and got reported. TWICE. Sheesh. It would be SO much better if people would just say to your face: "What you wrote conflicted with me, or somehting like that" but to go to "big brother" and report it. Man.... it just gets under my skin.

So keep an eye on the link in the title, I'm feeling rather sassy lately, and I'm at home right now, as work has me swamped lately, but that will calm down a bit soon, and I'll be back to my normal, supportive, cheery self, but I'm having fun getting in touch with my sassy side....

every little bit helps...

this is the response I got from the Noah's Wish foundation - it made me a little weepy...



Dear Friend,

I want to thank you for the part you are playing to ensure that animals were
not the forgotten victims during Hurricane Katrina. Your financial support
will help in so many different ways and you should be proud of what you have
helped to make possible. I wish you could be with us to see the joy and
relief on the faces of the people whose animals needed our help and be the
recipient of some of the juicy kisses we receive from the dogs and heard the
contented purring on the cats that we cuddle in our arms. It is a constant
reminder why we keep doing what we do.

If you need a receipt for tax purposes, please print the attached document
and keep it with your conformation that you receive from PayPal. If you need
further documentation please contact us by e-mail.

Again, thanks for caring and for being a special part of the Noah's Wish
team!


Federal ID #: XXXXX

No goods or services were provided in return for your donation

Bush is coming

He just announced that he's "on his way" to New Orleans. He's eager to "talk to the people."

I wonder which segment of the population they'll film him talking to?

My money's NOT on the poor black folks in the midst of chaos who are angry and asking for the help that won't come for them...

It will probably be the folks in the Astradome, "grateful" for being "rescued."

If in fact, Bush DOES talk to the disadvantaged black folks, who are fainting and angry and can't feed their babies, I'll eat my hat and offer him a public apology... (they have to be the angry ones, however...)

A "temporary disruption"

THAT is what OUR PRESIDENT calls the worst Natural disaster in American history.

And I CANNOT believe FOX NEWS who is down playing the tragedies and civil disruption, and playing up how wonderful Americans are - and OK, yeah, we are great, but, there is CHAOS and PAIN in New Orleans.

I am NOT rich by ANY means, and I barely have spending money after I pay my bills every month, but I just gave 100 bucks to Noah's Wish.

It's too much, it's just too much tragedy, and I am ASHAMED of our president. He commits troops three days later than he should have (note a pattern here), but I doubt he'll send any of his personal money, or monies of his corporate friends...

here's a link to his speech, with pictures: Transcript of Bush's Speech

I was going to post highlights, but re-reading it just makes me SO frustrated.

He should be on the TV every night – WHERE ARE YOU MR. PRESIDENT?!



Narda just told me that she overheard someone on the bus today saying it was “their own damn fault, for not evacuating.” My jaw dropped – yeah, the poorest quadrant of the country – old people who don’t have cars, mothers with newborn babies – they couldn’t leave, so it’s their fault.


ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Helping the animals

I have been trying not to think about all of the poor animals that may have perished in Katrina's wake, as it would be just too much for me to handle, truly, I think I'd end up in the psych ward from the grief.

However, denial does not eradicate the fact that not only do people need help and aid in the Gulf coast, but so do the animals.

PLEASE go here and consider donating, volunteering, or sending the desperately needed items. they do NOT need pet food, just supplies....

Noah's Wish