Wednesday, June 29, 2005


Is it possible to get overly emotional during ovulation instead of "pre menstrual?"

Maybe it's because my friends Cat and S are having such a hard time, too...

or maybe because I'm watching "Same Sex America" - a documentary on Showtime too (GO SHOWTIME - First, Queer As Folk, then the L Word - {drool} and now shows about the legalizing of Same Sex Marraige) - GO support Showtime! Showtime!

But I'm a mess.

WHY does George Bush CARE if Narda and I get married? How do we "threaten" America? Why can't we marry? Why can't I get pregnant? Why can't a relatively healthy baby of ANY color be available for us to adopt?

It's all too much sometimes.

I miss Narda.

Wow - thanks for letting me vent - the internet is a great dear diary.

S said she had an encounter today that made her think about the phrase "let go and let G-d" - I like that phrase, and I want to let go so much, so what am I holding onto for dear life, and why can't I just let go?

Even Gay Penguins want to adopt!

Wonderful story about two penguins, both male, that happen to have been a couple for over six years, adopted an egg, and raised it together...

Penguins adopting -a new children's book!

Friday, June 17, 2005

afraid we shot our wad...

I'm so afraid that now that the three "situations" (the term our agecny uses) have been presented to us, that now that's it. no more 'situations" and we enter our third year with NO baby.

Why is it so easy for some and so difficult for others?

I'm just feeling blue about it all today.

thanks for letting me vent.

um, ok, I've been tagged

ther'es some new game of tag going aorund the internet, and I've been taggd twice, so I not only have to come up with my 6 favorite songs, BUT I have to link to them, AND tag 6 more folks to do the same.

OK - here goes nothin...


1) Praise you, by Fat Boy Slim

2) Copacabana by the master, Barry Manilow

3) Yoya - click on #16 - Israeli song

4) Bach's Concerto #5 for Harpisichord

5) Come on Eileen - A GREAT song for the treadmill!

6) ANYTHING by They Might be Giants!

OK, and now for the tagging...

ok - sorry for the blog-version of chain mail, my dears, but here ya go.

1) House of Miao

2) In Bed with a Mosquito

3) Infertility SUX

4) Two Mommies

5) Lorrie Berg

6)The doodlebug chronicles

ok ladies, forgive me - I'm just doing my part...

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

round 3- we'll pass...

we have yet to graduate to a non-complicated situation.

here's the latest, and its a doozy.

BM picked 5 families, 4 others have already passed, so we're the automatic family if we want this situation; and I'm not sure we do.

22 year old BM, Puerto Rican and Italian; BF 35 year ol, Italian and Black (OK, georgeous, for sure!)

BM already has a 2 year old child, and has been heavily addicted to prescription drugs. all apparnatly, till about 3 years ago when she conceived her son.

The BM claims that she only drank on weekends up until she conceived. and the amount she drank was intense - about 13-15 drinks a night! (It had to be bud light or something, as that's about all that you could drink a lot of and still remember telling you how much)

OUR SW thinks she might be a bit of an exagerator on some things, but there's no way to tell.

she was sexually abused when she was a small child, which sent her into a depresison, and she started seeing a therapist at a young age, and was then prescribed prozac. She's been on various drugs of the sort all her life, and as a teenager, mixed them with alcohol. She was reported to have bi-polar disorder, as well.

The birthfather was abusive to her, once leaving her in the hospital, and they both live a little too close to us for any safe feeling of "distance".

She's been on ecstasy, prozac, welbutrin, sleeping pills, clonophin, percoset, xanax, you name it. She smokes cigarettes and pot (which as you know don't bother us too much, but mixed in with everything else, it's too much)

we have no guarantee that things are OK with her now, even though she's reported that she's clean.

It's so sad. this kid could be OK, but it's such a risk, and we are passing. there's actually SO much more to this situation, but that's the BASIC gist of it all, we were on the phone with our social worker for over an hour with this one....

but we just called her back and passed on it.

another sad day.

Monday, June 13, 2005

not guilty

just weird. I think that due to the robbery of his youth, he's just acting out weird childhood fantasies.

He never grew up.

So there ya have it folks, he's a free man - bad as he wants to be.

how can I be depressed when they're about to read the Michael Jackdon Verdict?

They're about to read the Michael Jackson Verdict.

I've not watched an OUNCE of the trial, I'm supposed to leave the house any second now to go to my weight watchers meeting, but I'm soooooo drawn to the TV - well, good distraction from being totally and completely depressed, I say!


she chose the other family...

and then our SW proceeds to tell us there's another "situation" a BM chose us and another family - it's a complicated situation, she'll call us on Wednesday, to give us a chance to process our feelings.

fuck and wow at the same time.

next situation, the BM is due in August - which SUCKS in terms of child care - but if it's G-d's will, we'll figure it all out.

still kind of sad about this one, however.....

Friday, June 10, 2005


OK - so here’s how it all played out:

Yesterday, just 8 short days after we told our Social Worker that we would pass on “April 12th baby,” we get a call that another birth mother had picked us.

And 4 other couples.


Here’s the low down:

Birth mother is 17, white and Catholic; blue eyes, dirty blond hair.
Birth father is 30 (ish) and black; brown eyes and brown hair.

Birth Mom (BM) lives in a group home for pregnant teens and is due June 18th, with a girl.

She smoked pot & Cigarettes all during her pregnancy. We are OK with that, as we know quite a few folks who’s parents imbibed in both, and the kids are just fine. We’re more concerned with alcohol and other drugs, but pot, which doesn’t enter the placenta, is fine by us. We wish she wouldn’t smoke cigs, but hey, we won’t judge.

She’s had a REALLY hard life, and the BF (Birth father) was a bad person, according to the BM, and she’s not naming him on the birth certificate. He has a “rap sheet,” so our agency feels that even if here WERE to “try” and obtain some form of custody, the chances would be slim to none in his favor.

Today marks 101 days “in pool.”


Today we find out that three of the other couples turned down the situation. It is now between us and a single mom.

Narda’s big concern with me is that I’ll want to adopt the BM too.


The only other thing is that the BM (smartly) is choosing interim care for the baby for the first few weeks, to give her the option of changing her mind.

SO hard to hear, but it makes total and complete sense. They don’t think that she’ll choose to parent, but it IS an option.

So say a prayer for a healthy baby and an easy delivery and that she’ll choose to go with an adoption plan, and that she’ll CHOOSE US! ☺

anyone good with trees? (GROSS picture)

we have some weird stuff growing (or infesting) a tree in our back yard - I was wondering if anyone had any ideas as to what this may be, and how we can organically GET RID OF IT!


Image hosted by

Round 2

So we got another call form our Social Worker (SW) yesterday - that's just 8 days since we passed on "April 12th baby"

Can you say HOLY SHIT!

more to follow...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Spell with Flickr

HyDletter rLetter ANge at windsorAThe Silvia
PRS4-400-2968.tOne Letter / TWhy?

Monday, June 06, 2005

let taxis be hybrids!

this is direct copy my friend Liz's e-mail. But worth the cut and paste...

Dear Friends:

I'm writing to let you know that there's a bill before the City Council
that would allow the Taxi and Limousine Commission to give taxi
medallions to hybrid vehicles. (Currently, hybrids don't fit the TLC

The best way to support the bill is to email Council Speaker Gifford
Miller and NYC Transportation Commissioner Iris Weinshall. Miller's
email address is You can email Commissioner
Weinshall via the NYC Dept. of Transportation website

For more information about the legislation, visit the Green Guide,

Also, I'm sending you a copy (below) of the message I sent to Miller
and Weinshall. Feel free to plagiarize.



DEAR _______
I'm writing to ask you to support Bill 642, which would allow hybrid
vehicles to be exempt from the Taxi and Limousine Commission specs
until those specs are amended.

As you know, the world environment is threatened by global warming. Car
exhaust is one of the major causes of global warming. Allowing
low-exhaust hybrid taxis onto NYC streets would help stop global
warming. Also, hybrid taxis would reduce auto emissions in our air,
improving the health of city residents with respiratory problems.

Thanks for your consideration,


Wednesday, June 01, 2005

back in pool

We went ahead and called the agency today, and spoke to our SW. It turns out the baby's tremors are getting worse. Poor little guy, his mom's habits during pregnancy are making a tough life for him. :(

He will go into the Speical needs program, and we are back in pool.

we are now on their website!