The pain of this thing called "infertility" can creep up on you when you least expect it.
It usually happens on Friday nights, at Shul. This Friday night, not only was there another pregnant lesbian, but our favorite two year old was there, and responding to the "nishekah" (Hebrew for kiss) that I had been teaching him for two years by pukering his lips in my general direction when I said nishekah! (HOW CUTE IS THAT!) But there was also a pair of dads there with a two month old new born.
Seeing C preggers was REALLY hard, although she did have one m/c (I think, as we're not close, so I can only guess) but she and her partner haven't tried that long.
Narda pointed out to me, as we left shul that she wishes I had someone to talk to about all of this. She sees the pain I feel through infertility, and I tell her - yeah, I'm really fucking jealous of minor acquaintences that I see get pregnant, when I can't.
And for the first time in this journey, I realized that altough she loves me with every fiber of her being, she doesn't understand this primal pain called infertility. She longs for a baby, sure, but the feelings of failure, incompleteness, inadequacy, physical shortcoming, all of it, it is not a known quantity to her.
And I realize that I wish none of you had to experience it. It's a hurt like no other. And unless you've been there, you can't understand.
I DO so thank you for the love and support, it helps.
If you've been there, or are there, I hear ya, sister, I hear ya.