Friday, March 03, 2006

The power of 30

When we first started our adoption journey, after one and half years of TTC (trying to concieve) with the full gammut of medical support, we had NO idea how our path would unfold.

We thought it would take 3 years for a birth mother to pick us, a Bi-racial, Jewish, lesbian couple. That's a LOT of adjectives, and a sublime picture of diversity. So imagine our surprize when on May 5th, 2005, just 2 months after we completed our homestudy on March 1st, 2005, we got a call that a birth mother had picked us. We were elated, thrilled, and excited. Our agency slowed things down a bit, and as I'm sure many of you recall, he ended up being a very sick baby, and we sadly said no to that "situation." (Our agency uses the term "situation" quite often, and now, so do we - but that's another blog entry for another day...) Our faboo social worker, Nicole, would call us almost once a month with yet another "situation," and comment on how much "positive activity" we were getting. it kept us elated for a while, but then, as similar to our ttc journey, we began to wear a veneer of self protection - some people call it bitterness, we call it self preservation. With each call, we would get excited, but remain reserved.

In August, 2005, we came the closest we had ever gotten, and had booked plane tickets home early from LA, to pick up our daughter. The birth mother decided to parent, and we were devastated. Everyone kept telling us that she wasn't meant to be our daughter, and even though they were right, it did not take away from the hurt. "Why us?" "Why do we, basically good people, have to have hope shown to us and then dashed away?" "what have we done wrong to the universe that we are being punished so?" (OK, that one was mine, Narda was not so into the universal punishment thing...)

With each passing call, we realized HOW blessed we were, as there are SO many people who don't even get a call in 16 months, and we had received 8. So we were lucky.

Then January 27th, 2006, we got the call that brought Malka into our lives.

The infamous "they" tell you that once you hold your child in your arms, the one that is meant to be yours, that all of the pain of infertility, or failed adoptions fall away. And to a degree, they are right. I still have a HUGE hole in my heart from the infertility and adoption failures, but the magic thread that is patching it up is sleeping right now, allowing her Eemah a chance to write and shre that today is day 30 after her birth mother signed away her rights. Today is the day that Malka Velma Angel is our daughter in just one more way. We knew in the back of our minds that this day would come and go, just like any other, but the fact that it is here brings MUCH relief to us, none the less.

Thank you all SO much for the support and love over the years, it has helped in MORE ways than you can imagine, and I cannot wait for Malka to be old enough to read, so that we can show her ALL of the love pouring forth into her form all over the world.

There's no looking back now...

35 comments:

Catherine said...

Sheli, It so wondeful to hear that you are so happy now. That baby girl is a special gift. IF pain will heal, but it is always lingering. I am over it until I here someone got pg with a whoop and then it is back in a second. But, I just look at my beautiful boy and realized how lucky I am and how he probably a lot more cherished that the oops. I had IF and concieved after 2 and half years, and my Mom never concieved but adopted me, now I finally understand what they mean by how special child is when you wait for so long. Lots of love to your sweet girl.

Jen said...

Hooray for you, Narda, Malka, and your forever family!

Estelle said...

Wonderful wonderful. I am so happy.
Welcome home Malka. You have a wonderful family, and many friends across the globe who have anxiously awaited your arrival. You are loved little girl.

Dee said...

What a great day it is! I'm so happy for your family. Congrats to you all!

Sophia said...

I am so happy for all three of you. You are the luckiest family in the world today. Many blessings

Bekah said...

mazel tov! mazel tov! mazel tov!

the first of many joyous milestones and anniversaries you and Narda will share with Malka!!

I hope that the pain lessens with each joyous moment.

One of my favorite quotes is from Kahlil Gibran, and seems especially fitting for this moment:

The deeper sorrow carves your vessel, the more joy it can contain.

May your vessel be overflowing...

hormonebitch said...

Wow...that was very moving!! I am so happy you finally have your baby. You so deserve her!! I can't wait to see more pictures!!!

rach said...

pictures?

Blondie said...

Shelli, congratulations to you 3. Love to you all.

And thank you. I needed this today. To know that there is hope.

puppysmama said...

Wonderful Shelli, so happy for you and Narda and Malka. Isn't it great to be together now! Congratulations and much love!

Merr said...

Congratulations! When do we get to see pictures?

Anonymous said...

Oh Shelli. I got goosebumps reading this! I am so glad the 30 days have passed w/o a hitch. My thoughts are with you and Narda. I am pleased that the universe has brought you both your daughter. I wish a happy life for all of you. Many hugs.

Laurie (imthemama99)

dawn said...

Shelli,

Congrats again!! This is so exciting that these 30 days have passed so quickly for you and Narda both. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

dawn

Anonymous said...

That is so wonderful, and I am so terribly happy for all three of you.

Averie and I were out last night and she was telling me about all these old photos she has of family members with no one alive to identify who they are, let alone tell her what they are like. And my own grandparents are but short anecdotes to me, gleaned from what my parents have told me.

What a beautiful record you have here of who you are and how Malka came to be.

with love,
Julie

ps. She is absolutely adorable!

margieinaz said...

I'm so happy for the three of you. Congratulations again. Malka is a very lucky little girl to be surrounded by so much love.
-Margie

Calliope said...

the magic thread bit patching it up? yeah, that got to me. grabbing a tissue...

God bless Shelli, Narda & baby Malka!

xo

Anonymous said...

Shelli and Narda,

I am sooo happy for you both of you!

Mazel Tov once again!

Maria

Kimmyann said...

Congratulations.. you ladies inspired me to begin my own adoption journey. I am now 4 months into my adventure and looking forward to someday holding my own daughter or son.

charlotte said...

So happy for you both. And the pain is not supposed to magically disappear when your baby comes, it is just worth it. The pain is part of the story of your family.

cat said...

Crying tears of joy over here for you three. What a wonderful day, may the days to come be full of light, joy and love.

Julie said...

Mozel Tov again! Will you be giving her a hebrew name? (sorry if that was intrusive - just curious).

Mama2Arden (Dora) said...

Simply wonderous... Malka you are a blessed girl and are a blessing to all of us who get to watch you grow.

Mo said...

So happy for all of you and was very moved by the retelling of your journey on this very special day.

Shelli said...

Julie - Not intrusive at all! :)

(Malka IS a Hebrew name...)

It's her first name in English ANd in Hebrew.

ilyse (FF) said...

Wooohooo!! Congrats Shelli & Narda!!!!

Anonymous said...

Crying tears of joy for you once again! Shelli, you have such a wonderful way of putting things! I don't know if the pain of infertility ever goes away (even if you do end up with a happy resolution such as Bruce and I did with the triplets). I'm so glad your family is permanent now! Malka is truly a very lucky little girl!!
Hugs!
Dana, Bruce, Evan, Bobby and Will
(HalfBAD from FF)

Jennifer said...

Shelli & Narda, congratulations on reaching the 30 days. You've waited so long for this.

cari said...

okay, now for some pictures. :-)

WendyChymes said...

Hi, I am new to your site, and have been following it for a few weeks, but I just wanted you to know how very moving your posts are. I am so thrilled for you and for little Malka that you have found your way together in this world, and everything is as it should be.

I wish you all the best. Love can be so healing, and for once all your struggles finally seem worth it.

I will be checking back! best wishes to all~

Patti Capaul said...

What a touching blog. I teared up reading it because I know how happy you two are and for you ladies to be able to look over and see your precious baby instead of empty space is a blessing. I want to commend Malka's birth Mother for the strength in giving up her own flesh in blood so Malka will have the life she can't provide to her. What a journey for you all. I wanted to thank you for the thank you card and picture. She's beautiful. Enjoy being the best Moms you can be:)

Clare said...

I don't know what it is like to fall pregnant easily - I spent four years TTC my boy. I do think he is extra precious to me because of it. I am sure that for you Malka will be the same gift. Congratulations to you all

Rebecca said...

Congratulations, you three!! What a wonderful, happy family you have and will make. I'm very happy for you!!

(word verification: scogqy...sounds like what diapers get if you don't change them soon enough)

Lo said...

30 days, shloshim, I just think there has to be some significance to the 30. But i'm like that. Mazel tov!!!

Jessica said...

Amazing! It's been quite a long road but I'm so glad it worked out and I look forward to more PICTURES!!!!!

hehe.

starevelina said...

Wow, it seems like just yesterday I was reading about the call, and now it's day 30! For you and Narda, it must have seemed long, though, waiting for that security. Malka's name is so catching, it just skips around my thoughts. Congrats, again. -Kate-