Friday, June 20, 2008

My sweet, "lil' ole' man..."

The long river in Egypt is called "the Nile." It is also the brunt of a joke when one is referring to someone being in "da-nile," aka, denial.

I have been giving Cougar Prednisone every other day for quite some time now, to help him feel better, and to help him, well, poop properly, due to his IBS, FLUTD, and a host of other issues.

We keep plastic on the bed, to catch wayward pukes, and upon morning wake-up, or arrival home, we MUST look down before each step, to do a once-over to look for puke, or poop. Now granted, Juno, our 18 year old sass-princess is guilty of a wayward puke or two, but it's mostly Cougs, truth be told.

The constant clean up patrol has REALLY been getting to Narda. And heck, I don't blame her - she's just started back at Lion King full time, it's a wee-stressful learning all of the old stuff, yet, new again, because it's in a new theatre, so all that was part of her muscle memory has changed; we have a rambunctious 2 and a half year old, and are slowly working towards #2 - we just have to have our "FSW" (faboo social worker) over for coffee, and she's waiting for my prints back from the feds, and then, voila, we are "back in pool."

But I digress.

Each time Narda suggested that Cougar was in pain, and it wasn't fair to him, all I could think of was HER inconvenience at the "occasional," "random," "wayward" poop. But in reality, each and every time Cougar takes a (humongous, I might add) poo, it hurts him. And he lets everyone know how much it hurts him. Even Malka asks if he "has issues?" But it's not every day. And he's a regular old grumpy man the rest of the time, you know, when he's not going to the bathroom. He even will 'get his kitten on" every so often, and chase a toy around for a few seconds.

I have also been able to use the "but he was your mom's cat" trump card for a while. It's not working anymore. Narda has been determined, and I have been obstinate. I have called her a murderer, insensitive, cruel, and I have even gone so far ask to ask her if she wants to be "put down" if she happens to poo in an inappropriate place when she gets older.

He is my "Baby-Bear," my "Cougie-Cougs," my "lil' old man," my "Cougie-Bear," "Cougs-a-Cougs," "Baby-mans," and bundle of mama's boy all rolled into a beautiful furry ball.

Tonight, Malka and I come home from Shul, to "poop-splosion-2008." It was everywhere. I am one who is LOATHE to use chemical cleaners, and will always opt for the organic, or the simple vinegar-water solution, but tonight? I used something yellow in a spray bottle. Narda will be so proud. I sanitized the entire house. It was EVERYWHERE. After I cleaned up the poo and the puke, and chased after Cougar to wipe his ass with baby wipes, (OH thank goodness for baby wipes,) I sat down, exhausted, and scrolled through the numbers on my cell phone for "vet." I dialed, and got Natasha's friendly voice, telling me that the office is closed, but they are open tomorrow, Saturday, and to call in the am. I left a message, started crying mid-way through, stating that "Hi, this is Shelli, mommy to 'Sir pukes-a-lot,' and Juno, and Quincy too, and of course, Malka, but that I'm calling to let you know that I'll be bringing in my baby bear tomorrow am, and I'm calling you now, before I change my mind. I've been in denial long enough, and have held off the inevitable long enough. It is time. And then I called Narda, and left her a message about the call I made. And then I called her babysitter, to see if she's available in the am, but then I realized that Narda doesn't have to be at work until 1pm tomorrow. I don't think it would be fair to bring Malka along, and then NOT bring Cougar home. So I also called Bobby and left a message, and started crying mid-message. Asking if he could watch Malka for an hour and a half, or come with me to the vet.

I don't want to. He's my baby bear. But at this point, it's cruel not to.

He is now under the bed. Telling me it's time.





29 comments:

Mo said...

Oh Shelli, I'm so sad for you, but it sounds like it is time. What a lovely kitty. Everybody who reads here knows how much he means to you.

Adam said...

As you know, Shelli, I am no friend of the feline, nor am I a friend of crazy pooping creatures (in general)

I am however, your friend. It does sound like it's time, and I am sorry for your loss, and hope that it will be an easy passing, and that your cat will be better off and without pain.

Jen said...

Shelli, I'm sorry. We had to do it last year and it was hear breaking. Hugs to you.

MsAbcMom said...

I am so sorry. *Hugs*

Lo said...

So sorry, SHelli. Furbabies are so special.

Jude said...

Shelli, I am so very sorry. There is nothing harder than the ultimate act of love for a pet or a loved one. Please be gentle with yourself.

Away2me (Deanna) said...

I am sorry for you. But you are doing right for him. I had to make the same difficult decision for my Porter (my dachshund) this past October. It is hard, very hard. But it gets easier.

Again, I'm sorry. Hang in there.

Chris and Penny said...

shelli, i am sorry that this day has come for your lil ole man. you are making the ultimate sacrifice for him and he would thank you if he could. you have fought a valiant fight for him! you and narda take good care of yourselves and each other during this difficult time! we are thinking of you guys!

Jen said...

Commented over on Flickr, but just wanted to say, again, how sorry I am that it was Cougie's time to go.

It is a heartbreaking decision, no matter how much you know that it is indeed the RIGHT one. And it sounds like the exact same problems my Blaze had several years ago, only no one could tell me what in the heck was wrong.

:O(

Thinking of you...

art-sweet said...

Oh Shelli,

I'm so sorry. Cougie sounds like a true friend and it doesn't matter how old they are - it hurts like hell to lose them.

Sending you virtual hugs and strength

calliope said...

I am so so sorry for your loss, dear, sweet Shelli. Sending you love and wishing I could come and give you a hug.
xoxoxo

Trista said...

Both Kristin and I extend our deepest condolences. Our cat, Eddie, who was so much like your Cougie (and looked so much like him, too, that he broke our hearts when we were there visiting) died the summer we conceived Julia, and there's still a hole in our hearts from his passing.

megan said...

i'm so very sorry...this is so hard. but i think you're doing right by him by "listening" to him. still, saying goodbye to our furbabies is heartbreaking. but he knows how much you love him, he does.

love to you, narda and malka.

Liz said...

it's so hard to lose a pet. i'm sorry.
sending hugs from brooklyn

Cait said...

So sorry, honey. Sending hugs.

Lulu said...

Delurking to extend our deepest condolences. We recently lost our two 21-year-old girls and know what you are going through. Cougie had a wonderful, loving family and will always be with you.

Hugs to you from CT.

Jenn said...

Oh Shelli :( I am so sorry. Having to make this decision, is definitely one of the hardest things a pet owner has to do. :( Sending you big hugs!!

Marisa Elana said...

I loved your Cougar too, and am sitting at the computer in tears. He was a grouch and a curmudgeon, but in his way a sweet old grump, and I'm so sorry the end was so difficult. Please make sure that you and Narda and Malka all give each other big hugs from me.

Melody said...

I am so sorry-- heartbroken for you. I get weepy just imagining the day we have to put one of our furbabies down.

Faith said...

Oh, I'm so sad to hear this. (((hugs)))

ms.bri said...

I am so, so sorry. I know how difficult and painful this is. Soul-sucking and awful. I have been there many times. You are doing the right thing. Sending strength and love from me and Wes.

JT said...

Shelli, I've been thinking of you since Friday and hoping that you'll come away from this with a bit of peace. I'm so sorry that it's so hard and sad and sucky. I am glad that you had a really good kitty friend. love and purrs from me, n and our cats. we're all thinking of you.

jiveturkey said...

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I went through this with two of my childhood pets, and sometimes you just know when it's time. I know in my heart that they understand what we're doing for them, and why we're doing it. Hope you're comforted by your happy memories.

Anonymous said...

Bawling at work. I had to make that decision two summers ago. and it was just so hard, no way to say it. You did the right thing, but I ache for you all.
A year and a half later, and I still cry about it.
NYC reb

Jen said...

Oh, Shelli, Shelli, Shelli. My heart aches for you. I hope that you are doing ok.

CharliTan said...

Oh, no, we just went though this with the dog a few months ago.. I am SO SORRY!

((( You )))))

Care said...

I'm way behind on blog reading, but wanted to say that I am so sorry Shelli. Such a tough decision to make, and I know how much it hurts to have to make it - have btdt too.

linda said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


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Susan said...

I'm so sorry, that is sooo hard.