Life ramblings and the journey through adoption.
2 Year check-up:
Height: 36 & 1/4 inches tall
Weight: 35.11 ounces
If you do the math, our child is an amazon. Seriously? She weighs as much as she is tall. Erp. That's 99th percentile for height, and above the 100th percentile for weight. That means that 100% of children in her age range weigh less than her. But yet, she's not a total chunker, she's just SOLID. Massively. SOLID.
Oy.
Her lovely doctor has no worries about her developmentally, and even doesn't mind her size. She just wants us to limit her all day grazing, and try to limit her snacks a bit more, to try and give her eating a bit more structure. We are fine with that. She was fine with Malka's paci use - as it's just for sleeping - naps and bedtime. As for potty training, we should follow Malka's lead, which as of now? Means when she's in high school. The kid has NO interest in the potty, other than to point out when Narda and I use it: "Eemah potty? Mommy potty?" "Yes, Malka, Eemah potty."
Her numbers did come back slightly anemic, so we are swapping out her children's vitamin for one with iron in it. I'm going to start using my cast iron skillet a LOT more often, and I'll make some molasses cookies. And we'll see what her levels are like in 6 months. They want to rule out dietary changes and make sure it's just that simple.
Malka has always run a little on the hard end of the spectrum when it comes to poop, despite a fiber-rich diet, and now with the addition of iron, her doctor had us pick up some benefiber, and add a teaspoon to her morning "meetz," aka, watered down OJ.
So we'll keep you posted as to how the cheeky reacts to all of this intestinal change...
As for the motherhood discussions floating about, I want to have time think more on it. We tried to get pregnant for over 2 years, and ultimately, decided that adoption was the route for us. It was more important to us to be parents, than to have a birth experience, or a genetic link. For those of you that have met our family in person, you will no doubt trust that Malka knows who her eemahot are. So for us, with neither one being the bio-mom, there's no sense of feeling threatened, or feeling like the dad, or any of those things. We have our own unique situations that come up. I am the primary caretaker, and Malka does have a preference for me over Narda. But only when we are together. When Narda and Malka are alone, it's "eemah who?" But as a threesome, I am the preferred parent. Does this put Narda in the "dad" role? No. Does any of it matter? I don't think so. One thing that Narda has brought up in the past, is that our general assumptions of fatherhood tend to be around men who "opt out" of decision making and child-rearing preferences, and she often feels that with two women, you innately have two people interested in the minutiae of how your child is raised. And that is where conflicts can arise. Sure there are resentments, and frustrations, and joy and bliss, but in the the day to day, it often feels like in a hetero couple, the 'dad" often is less interested in the nitty gritty. And that's where we see the differences. Now again, we also know some awesome dads out there, too, and they are just as much a 100% participant in the raising of their children, and in fact, we know 2 stay at home dads, where the mom is the breadwinner. So I'm just talking about my own generalized assumptions about the population en masse, and not about individuals or our friends.
More to come, but those are my thoughts for now.
What's your take on all of it?
9 comments:
We parent fairly equally in our home as you already know. With a job and grad school as well as mothering I couldn't and wouldn't do it without an involved partner. But... you are correct, it does come with a partner who wants to be involved in all the little bits and pieces of rearing. So perhaps it's not gender specific but time spent invested in caring hands on for the child specific.
*shrug* Who knows. We are not a "typical" hetero family. Even though we are breeders.
We are in a Mamma/Dadda family and I both agree and disagree with your thoughts. D prefers me because I am here with him most of the time. Tonight, when he was sick, he wanted a cuddle on Mamma's lap and that is fine. M however wants the minutiae... today D got sick so it was "where, when, what came up, was he sick again, has he a fever..." Oy! The kid got sick, we don't need to write a 500 word paper on it!
I do agree that for the most part, in FTWD/SAHM families there is a disparity of knowledge... but I think there is a disparity of confidence too. I can't remember how many phone calls have started with "What will I give him for his lunch" etc where I would just look at what was at hand and come up with something.
As aware as M is of D's allergies and intolerances he still didn't notice the presence of OJ in the fruit combos that he bought the other day. While I didn't want to criticise his purchases and certainly not his uumph to actually go and buy something, I had to point out, again, that D doesn't eat citrus.
Sorry for the essay but I had a lot to say... not necessarily all relevant but as it is my resolution to leave comments on blogs I let rip!
Hmmm, interesting. My best friend and partner have a son that equally prefers both of the (boy that sentence does not sound right) Anyway, they are "mom" and "Pooh". Pooh (better known as Liz LOL) works a full time job yet does all of the child rearing when she is home. Mom stays home boy goes to school so Mom has limited hours with him. I would have to say it was Pooh who boy prefers. So, maybe even though "dad" isn't home all the time, boy doesn't care.
My own kids? I do all the details and am home more, but at one point they all preferred dad, and at times preferred me. My 5 yr old definitely preferred Dad till recently and now it's ALL Mom.
As far as child rearing is concerned, I think Malka is truly blessed to have two loving parents. It is so evident in all of her pictures that she is a confident, happy and loved little girl.
What's so wonderful about parent-child relationships is that they can be very fluid. Especially when they're part of non-traditional families. I gave birth to both of our kids and have shared the child rearing with my partner Linda. While I was the "food source" exclusively for the first 6 months of our 6yr old's life and thus quite popular, Linda had pretty high standing as well because she was the SAHM. It was and continues been a pretty even balance.
With Evelyn, our 2 year old, it's felt more unbalanced simply because our situation is different. Now both of us moms are working outside the home full-time. Since I'm the one taking her to daycare and still nursing, I'm the "go-to mama." But like Malka, Evelyn is perfectly content with Linda when I'm not around.
We're now toying with the idea of Linda staying home full-time with Evelyn. I love the idea of her becoming the "go-to mommy." Of course, as long as I get tossed a bone (you know, the kid turns to me first when she's scraped a knee or something like that...) every now and then, my ego and I will be okay. :)
There is no doubt that Malka knows who her eemahot are!
Right now the Boy prefers my partner and the Girl prefers me, but it can change on any given day. I agree with what you said about many hetero couples these days breaking the stereotype. I know so many couples where the dad stays home (including 3 in my family), although the SAHD's role seems to be a bit different than the traditional SAHM.
Wow- Gus and Malka seem to be following a similar path- similar sizes (though she's definitely bigger). He also has an iron issue, though they gave us these drops, which are IMPOSSIBLE to give because you can't give them within two hours of dairy, cereal, wheat, blah blah, or within 30 minutes of lying down. So we've been doing diet too- not sure if you shop there at all, but Trader Joes has an instant oatmeal that has 40% RDA or iron- we've been giving it to him with molasses in it and he loves it. They also have a fortified cereal with 90% RDA (it's a shredded wheat). We're going to try some shakes and stuff too, but iron's a hard one cuz he wont eat leafy greens OR red meat. If you have any good ideas, let me know! :-)
Ah - I was going to say shredded wheat... and, CORN FLAKES! When I was anemic I ate corn flakes :-)
And I am just now catching up to all the mom/dad/etc thoughts going on but I really like what you said. I wonder how much we interpret as biological and perhaps it is something else. Too late in the "day" to say more intelligent stuff :-)
Wow what a big girl, I'm glad all is pretty well generally with her.
She is obviously very loved and ya know that's all that really matters in the end :)
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