You know, in my joy of what today is, I completely and totally forgot, for a brief moment, what it's like being infertile.
A few folks that I hold dear to my heart didn't comment on my last post. And I don't blame them. When we were in the throes of TTC, it was really, really hard to read any "baby stuff" out there in blog land - I just couldn't deal with reading all of the mommy blogs sometimes. Even when they were my friends, my sisters in the trenches. Because when you are in a position where you feel like your body has failed you, you feel like less of a "real" woman, you hate every pregnant belly you see, you hate reading about all of the cute things "little sparky" did today - it just makes you gag. Even when they are you friends, and you love them dearly. it's just.too.hard.
So I share this to remind myself of the journey We've taken. of the pain I've felt over the past four years of having my body constantly remind me that it can't give me what I've always wanted it to: the experience of pregnancy. 16 donor sperm IUI cycles, 4 different donors, 8 failed adoption "situations." I've been there. I get it. I know. It sucks. Big donkey balls.
So I'm sorry if my previous post was hard to read. Know that I only wish for you to have what your heart and soul desires.