Monday, July 10, 2006

When you realize you're just not that important...

For fear of being Dooced, I had not written this post, even though I had wanted to for quite some time. I just didn't know who reads this from work.

But I have a new job. I'm REALLY excited about it. It will give me more time with my family, and that's what matters most.

My current job (well, current as in the rest of this week) is great. As long as it's just students and faculty. The staff on the floor are all theatre folk, like me, so I shant exclude myself from the list. But us theatre folk can be pretty self-absorbed.

I did write earlier about how I felt slighted about no baby shower, not even a card, nada. Well, nothing has happend yet. And Friday is my last day here. When ever other folks have had a last day, or even a promotion, guess who's job it was to get a card, prepare a party, get flowers, etc.? Yup, mine. So now, of course, there will be nothing for me. OK, sure, sure, I should totally find validation for myself, within myself, etc. If therapy and Narda have taught me one thing, it's that you have to be your own advocate and validator, because it should not come from an external source. And I KNOW this. Intellectually, of course. My inner child, however? The one who rules my emotions? Is pissed off and hurt! It's that whole damn "Why not me?" thing. And I don't think it's that no one cares; because if I were to ask them to do something for me, they would. So would anyone in my life. I am blessed that way. Truly. It's just that I don't want to have to ask. I want someone for once, to anticipate MY needs the way I've spent my working years doing so for others.

But it won't happen. I will probably get a hug and a "so long, thanks for 2 years and all that, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out." Why? Because they are all theatre folks, and I keep forgetting that. It's an ACTING department afterall, and I spent SO many years working with actors as a stage manager, but I figured that a big university would be different. Sadly, that's not true.

There ARE areas in my professional working life that could stand for some improvement, sure, I am NOT denying that. Heck, we are ALL humans on a path to better ourselves. But I just always had this "they're trying to get rid of me" thing going on, and I just really didn't like how I let myself get about this job. If I didn't have to deal with the egos and politics, it would have been a much much better environment.

Perhpas one day I'll write about ALL of the BS that went on, but I'm just not up to it right now, and I want to share about my NEW job!

I start with Congregation Tehillah on August 1st. I'm terribly excited, and I'll be the Synagogue Administrator, and it will be wonderful to be involved with a spiritual community, with all of the Jewish Holidays off, where I won't have to use personal and vacation days for them. I will be able to pick Malka up from daycare on a regular basis, and I will be able to leave early enough on Fridays to get ready for Shabbat. The Rabbi left a wonderful, welcoming message on my voice mail, and it's more warm fuzzies than I got in my entire two years at my current job. So I'm really excited, and I look forward to the journey ahead, leaving behind the bitter-sweet memories of the past.

17 comments:

Becky said...

Congrats on the new job!

Calliope said...

I am so incredibly proud of you for landing this new gig! It already sounds like a place that will honor you. It's time.
xo

art-sweet said...

Congratulations! I just emailed my mom to ask if she had heard of that synagouge because I grew up about a mile away from there, and my parents still live (sorta) in Riverdale.

Care said...

Congratulations! The new job sounds wonderful.

Tamsin said...

Congratulations on the new job - I hope that it's as fulfilling and supportive as it sounds like it should be ;o)

And I hope that your useless colleagues get their asses in gear and do actually organise something for your leaving. Having experienced something very similar myself, I know how these things can leave a very bitter taste in your mouth.

Trista said...

Congratulations. Truly, working at a place that values you and lets you know it is a true joy. I am unbelievably happy for you!

conchita said...

yay shelli!! this change is going to do so much for you, i just feel it. the insensitive people you worked with DID NOT DESERVE YOU. i am really happy for you & your family.

dawn said...

Congrats on the new job that is wonderful!!

mermaidgrrrl said...

I want external validation damnit - and so should you! In fact, if I was in your shoes I would actually say to someone "You know how I arranged all those things for other people who have left? Who will arrange one for me?" I know it seems harsh, but better to have finally said it and got it off your chest.
I'm so happy you got a lovely new job. Best wishes for your first day!

Rhiannon said...

Yay Shelli!

I have to say, I feel very inspired by this post. I have been struggling with my job as of late, and hearing your good news gives me hope!!

Mo said...

This is great, Shelli! Getting appreciated at work makes such a difference, even when part of us tells us it shouldn't.

Liza said...

Congratulations!

I'm sorry that the current/old job folks have been so unappreciative. It sucks, and it makes EVERYTHING harder. Too bad managers don't realize it.

When Jill left her previous job, where she had been for almost 8 years, rising to a senior management position, her boss didn't even say goodbye. He left early on her last day. If they only would have appreciated her some, she probably would have let them keep overworking and underpaying her for another year or more.

Happily, they appreciate the hell out of her at her new job. And if they're smart, they will at your new job too. :)

Congratulations, again!

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the new job Shelli!!
You are so totally right in the "why not me?" feeling! You deserve what everyone else got and more!
By the way, I got warm fuzzies reading about the rabbi's welcome!
Dana

AmyMrsR said...

1st I'll say MAZEL TOV!! That sounds like a WONDERFUL job!! I cant remember a time when I didnt have to use vacation time for the high holidays, and I would give almost anything to have more time to spend with little Ray.Enjoy and be happy in this new start! As to your current job....SIGH...the world is full of people that will never appreciate you. If I was there, I would throw you a HUGE party because even just connecting with you through the internet has shown me what a wonderful person you are. SO (throwing confetti) since this is the best I can do (blowing a horn) CONGRATULATIONS!! They'll probably realize too late how much you meant to them when it takes 3 people to replace you! :)

Clare said...

Hey Shelli
Logged on to check and see if you got a decent farewell on Friday - I hope so!

ilyse said...

I hope that you got a somewhat decent fairwell on Friday, you deserve at least that. Lots of luck on the new job tomorrow! I will be checking in to see how it went.

Jessica said...

Just catching up and I am so sorry that they were so awful to you and I'd feel the same way!
CONGRATS ABOUT THE NEW JOB though! That is wonderful and I'm sure you'll be very very happy there!