When you realize you're just not that important...

For fear of being Dooced, I had not written this post, even though I had wanted to for quite some time. I just didn't know who reads this from work.

But I have a new job. I'm REALLY excited about it. It will give me more time with my family, and that's what matters most.

My current job (well, current as in the rest of this week) is great. As long as it's just students and faculty. The staff on the floor are all theatre folk, like me, so I shant exclude myself from the list. But us theatre folk can be pretty self-absorbed.

I did write earlier about how I felt slighted about no baby shower, not even a card, nada. Well, nothing has happend yet. And Friday is my last day here. When ever other folks have had a last day, or even a promotion, guess who's job it was to get a card, prepare a party, get flowers, etc.? Yup, mine. So now, of course, there will be nothing for me. OK, sure, sure, I should totally find validation for myself, within myself, etc. If therapy and Narda have taught me one thing, it's that you have to be your own advocate and validator, because it should not come from an external source. And I KNOW this. Intellectually, of course. My inner child, however? The one who rules my emotions? Is pissed off and hurt! It's that whole damn "Why not me?" thing. And I don't think it's that no one cares; because if I were to ask them to do something for me, they would. So would anyone in my life. I am blessed that way. Truly. It's just that I don't want to have to ask. I want someone for once, to anticipate MY needs the way I've spent my working years doing so for others.

But it won't happen. I will probably get a hug and a "so long, thanks for 2 years and all that, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out." Why? Because they are all theatre folks, and I keep forgetting that. It's an ACTING department afterall, and I spent SO many years working with actors as a stage manager, but I figured that a big university would be different. Sadly, that's not true.

There ARE areas in my professional working life that could stand for some improvement, sure, I am NOT denying that. Heck, we are ALL humans on a path to better ourselves. But I just always had this "they're trying to get rid of me" thing going on, and I just really didn't like how I let myself get about this job. If I didn't have to deal with the egos and politics, it would have been a much much better environment.

Perhpas one day I'll write about ALL of the BS that went on, but I'm just not up to it right now, and I want to share about my NEW job!

I start with Congregation Tehillah on August 1st. I'm terribly excited, and I'll be the Synagogue Administrator, and it will be wonderful to be involved with a spiritual community, with all of the Jewish Holidays off, where I won't have to use personal and vacation days for them. I will be able to pick Malka up from daycare on a regular basis, and I will be able to leave early enough on Fridays to get ready for Shabbat. The Rabbi left a wonderful, welcoming message on my voice mail, and it's more warm fuzzies than I got in my entire two years at my current job. So I'm really excited, and I look forward to the journey ahead, leaving behind the bitter-sweet memories of the past.