Life ramblings and the journey through adoption.
I now officially know where the term "scared shitless" comes from.
Granted, my lower half has never felt so UNbloated... (it *could* also be my increased fiber consumption, but the two combined, well, WOW)
I am one of those ultra superstitious Jews who will NOT under any circumstances:
1) share name choices with you until 8 days after birth/placement.
and 2) bring ANY articles pertaining to a baby into our house until there is an actual baby here.
We kind of got around #2 by having a storage unit in our basement, and some lovely friends (with kids) at Shul "bought" it for one dollar. So anything that we put in there is legally thiers. They own the stroller and baby books that we have down there. Actually, they gave us that stroller, so it's even more "theirs" and we are just storing it for them. *Should* the need arise for us to ever use some of the things down there, we'll have to buy ownership back from them. Plus interest, to be fair. Now granted, I have to keep track of the times I've gone down to get toilet paper and the like, so that I can include those things in the purchase price. I think she paid more than a dollar, however, as I think the official transaction was the price of one Cremilita, aka Tasti-Delight, about 2 summers ago. So I think fair intrest would be perhpas 5 dollars to buy it back. (Or a LARGE Tasti-Delight)
But the arguements last night began with the: "IF we get this baby, knock on wood, Keinihora, Ken Yehi Ratzon (let it be G-d's will), etc. etc." I want a dresser, car seat and changing pad in the house on the day she comes home. To the which I replied. ABSOLUTELY NOT. She then said - OK, so we put those things in the storage unit, and on the day we come home, instead of bonding and cooing and oooing and ahhing, you are putting furniture together? Of course, I responded YES.
Am I crazy here? When do you let go of superstition for practicality? I also said that friends could come over and set stuff up. She responded - WHO would do that? (any volunteers out there?)
Now Narda is NOT a pessimist, she calls herself a "realist." I tend to fall more into the Pollyanna camp (oh, baby, we'll make it work, it'll all work out fine, etc. etc. etc.; to the which she tends to reply with such silly things like: "How?" - SO infuriating to my Pollyanna mindset, mind you...)
We of course also had an arguement about our respective jobs and how to handle that. Out of respect for her privacy, since I tend to post WAAAAY too much personal information on the internets already, much to Narda's chagrin, let's suffice it to say that we both like our jobs, have crazy times ahead and are realizing that we'll both have to sacrifice some things at work in order to make a family happen. That's hard. SO worth it, but in the day to day realities, really hard to do.
We have no further news, other than what I've already told you, but I just wanted to share what has transpired at our house between hearing the news and now...
(and again, any volunteers for furniture duty, let me know, and I'll add you to the list "Should" the need arise...)
Thanks for letting me share, internets, it's SO helpful to have a place to get it off the old chest, so to speak.
You rock.
21 comments:
OMG!
I am soooo behind in sending my prayers but here they come. I am a knock on wood/Pollyanna combo gal myself. (you should see my prism collection)
I think having friends set stuff up is a great idea. Wish I could help!
Thinking of ALL involved & hoping, wishing, praying, positive vibing your way.
9 IS a good number.
We wanted to wait until after DNA testing to buy anything for the baby. The reason we felt that way is because w/Guatemalan adoptions, that is usually when, if the natural parent is going to change her mid, she will do so. Unfortuantely, my family didn't honor our wishes and threw me a baby shower.
I love the idea of renting the storage space. I think you should do what you are comfortable with. It takes 2 seconds to put up a pack and play for a baby to sleep in. Everything else will fall into place.
I'm not a mama yet and I *am* a realist and I say you'll make it work. Tiny babes don't need a whole lot! You can change her on the floor for a few days ;o).
I fall into the pessimist category. With everything you have been through to get a baby, I can totally understand not setting anything up until the baby is in the house.
Friends doing the set up would be great, however, if you are setting up once the baby gets there it will all work out.
I am SO excited for you and I really hope that this is the one!!!
Ok, just a question. Would it work if you bought YOURSELVES a new dresser that just happened to work as a changing table for whenever a baby came home? Does that make it not for the baby, but just convenient?
But, yeah, changing a baby on the floor works just fine too.
Hi Shelli,
As a Jew I understand your reasoning completely. I did not have a baby shower (a no-no as you know). My parents were buying the nursery, but not until AFTER the baby was born. I am not sure what happened with my father (who was raised orthodox) But I had such a hard pregnancy (beg. to end.) that he felt it would be a gift for them to set up the nursery. To remind me of the miracle to come. I as a Jew set up my nurseries 2x pre-birth, and I can tell you - it was fine, and comforting to sit in there before the baby. Took a bit getting used too as a jew. But... There really are no rules for expectant mothers. I say do what your soul, heart and both you and Narda want.
Keeping my thoughts with you both, praying this baby comes home.
Julie
If only we weren't so far away! Brooke and I are pros at putting together furniture!
One recommendation, however, is that you have a friend show you how to install a car seat (yours, theirs, whatever) in a car (yours, theirs, whatever) before Thursday so that you can get the baby home safely (assuming you'll be using an automobile to get the kid home). Unfortunately, you can't assume that the carseat will be self-explanatory. They're really hard to install properly, oddly enough, unless you're fortunate enough to be using LATCH, which NYC cabs may not have.
Okay, enough with the unsolicited advice. Keep us posted!
I'll come set it up!!!
But since I live hours away...
Can you get some basic diaper changing supplies (including one of those little fold out mats) for your friends and store them in that basement space until either you or they need them? Same for a carseat? Those are the only things you'd really need right away (and the need for a carseat might be different for you, depending on how you're planning on getting around). I suppose you could take the same approach with furniture--buy some for a friend and store it at their house and then if you need it before they do maybe they'd let you buy it from them.
Anyway, I tend to be in the "it'll all work out" camp, which is funny since I'm not exactly an optimist. But maybe having some essentials easy to access would make the beginning a little smoother.
We're sending all the positive energy we can your way.
Either way will work fine. You are by far not the only superstitious Jew in NYC so people do it all the time. You can have a baby store deliver & set up the stuff as SOON as she is in your hands (if you are buying new) and if you aren't getting new, I am sure you DO have friends who will come over and help. While friends of ours were in labor, other friends were putting the bassinette together for them. It happens all the time.
Whatever you choose, it will work and we will all be SO happy for you, keinihora!!!!
I attended a class the other night at my agency and the topic of getting ready for the baby came up. The class was split 50/50 on getting items before hand versus waiting until the baby is yours. The agency said its a personal choice the only thing they require is that you bring a car seat and an outfit with you to pick up the baby. Everything else they said can easily be purchased with the large number of stores open 24 hours and delivery services.
Also, as soon as you say the word, that bassinet is on a FedEx plane ready to be delivered to your place next day. Everything is washed and ironed and all you have to do is put the baby in it.
Shelly -- just wanted to let you know that my prayers are with you and this potential situation. I'm so happy to hear how positive this one sounds.
I wish I lived closer. I'd totally be there setting things up for you.
Being someone that has never really used a changing table (floor...bed...whatever all works)...I wouldnt worry about that. Baby can sleep with you or in a playpen (which is easy as pie to set up) for a couple days until you get the crib set up.
I dont think you would feel comfortable doing it before...and with all you have going on in your head, I would wait. Babies really truthfully *need* so little.
Two mommies with loving arms will do just fine for most all of her needs.
Dresser, car seat and changing pad... Now I can't help you with the car seat and any way to get around that - but i suppose you could pick it up even on the way to get her when you do... you can use a towel for a changaing pad so we can check that off the list :) and then the dresser thing... Well I know my clean clothes don't always make it in there... So I say you can for sure make do with little tiny baby clothes on a counter, in a box etc for a few days until you can get the dresser!
I am sending via cyber-space my furniture putting together talents. If I was there I would so help! :)
As those who have posted before me say... IT WILL ALL WORK OUT! :)
Shelli, I totally understand the superstitiousness, and I think the storage unit is a very creative way around some of that. I agree with Emilin that the main thing I would want to take care of is the carseat. I am hopeless at getting them in secure and DP had to install our new one yesterday. I'm thinking I've heard you talk about carseats before, so maybe you are already a pro at quick installation. We changed Helen on the floor for months and had both kids sleep in our bed, so we didn't need much else. If it was me, to protect my sanity, I'd probably hold onto the minimalist approach because you know things will definitely fall into place once you get YOUR baby!
The Jewish superstitions combined with a complete lack of a due date do make things complicated. We're struggling with the same thing, since people are giving us hand-me-downs and we haven't even finished our home study! Having your friends "own" the bin in the basement is a good idea - and don't forget you don't need much for an infant. You can always make a list of what you want/need and ask a friend to run out and pick everything up for you when the baby arrives.
As everyone said anything you need for the first few days can be gotten and assembled in no time. My mom never had a changing table and one of us slept in a laundry basket because the crib had parts missing.
I DO live nearby and I know you don't know me from Eve but I'll be happy to come over and assemble stuff. IKEA veteran here!
WOOT!!!
Uh...........HELLO....you KNOW that Sean and I would come over to set up stuff (Sean being Carpenter Man and all), plus, we KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.....mwahahaha!!!
Seriously, give us the word when the time comes-I can relate to that as well. Italians can be just as supersititious as Jews when it comes to babies and what's in the house before a child comes home.
Sending pickme vibes for you....s
Baby won't care if there is a dresser. When he or she comes, your friends will say, "how can we help? we want to help!" and you will say, "Please bring the dresser upstairs" and there you are, all set. Consider it a favor you are doing for your friends, to let them feel useful and show their love for you.
I understand the reluctance, though. I am neither Jewish nor terribly superstitious, but after this weekend's events I would hesitate to permit a baby shower before the baby was safe and sound and home.
I know we haven't met either, but I am nearby and another excellent furniture-putter-together and would be thrilled to come and help any way I can. And also to volunteer my husband's brawn for carrying. And I don't know if you have a car but if you don't and need things transported I have a station wagon and would be happy to drive you anywhere you need to pick things up.
I am all verklepmt! That is so sweet everyone, thank you so much!
Bekah, THANK YOU for the laugh this am, I SURE did need it, and it came in the form of me trying to picture Narda putting furniture together!
Hee. I'm the head chef, the Bob Villa and (G-d willing) the diaper changer, also known as the litter box changer and cat feeder.
Narda contributes too, of course, but those basic things that fall under "nitty gritty" fall into my camp...
I will totally keep you all posted.
Thanks again,
S
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