Friday, December 30, 2005

oops, She did it again...UPDATE

The birth mother went into labor last night, and gave birth to a boy. The birth mother's father called the agency to let them know.

They are "struggling."

That is code word for "she is going to parent."

She *could* change her mind.

Yeah, right.

WHAT is the universe trying to tell us? I have no idea. I feel so numb, however. It's more like: ah, well, this one didn't work either. Narda likens it to winning the lottery. I just wish the odds weren't so stacked against us.

Even the social worker that called us this am (our SW is out for a while, and her boss is out for the week, due to to the holiday, so Samantha has been covering) said: "You guys sure have had a lot of activity, but nothing's panned out. I don't know what's worse - lots of activity with nothing paning out, or not getting a call."

You said it sister.

****She DID follow through with an adoption plan. She picked a family outside of our agency, however. Intersting. So she probably had a few agencies going at the same time. So no worries about our bad timing. I asked Samantha if we were running for the Guinness book of world records in "phone calls but no placements." She said absolutely not. I told her this was our 8th call in 10 months, and she said some folks don't get that many calls in 2 years. I felt better than thought - 2 YEARS.. Fuck.****

27 comments:

Jen said...

Fuckety fuck. I am so sorry. I want to kick something. When do you guys get your baby, dammit?

J said...

Damn, damn...I was having visions of pictures on your blog. I wish there was something I could do to help you two become mommies. Right now, I don't even have the words for you...but want you to know I'm out here listenin' to ya, sister!

Sophia said...

sigh...I'm so sorry

Mo said...

So sorry, Shelli, this totally sucks...

E & D said...

oh shelli and narda ... we're so sorry.

xox from MA..

E&D

Kwynne said...

I'm so sorry Shelli and Narda. This totally totally sucks. :(

AmyMrsR said...

DAMN....I'm so sorry this sucks big fat Hooey

Jennifer said...

ARGHHHHHHH!!!

It does completely suck... and I hate to be Pollyanna here but I KNOW in my heart someone just perfect for the two of you is on his or her way.... I hate it too when the universe makes us wait like this... Grrrrr....

Thinking of you...

kbnyc said...

Oh Shelli, I'm so sorry. I can see why you'd be numb...how much of this can you endure? It's so promising that you keep getting these calls, but what crushing disappointments. Hugs to you and Narda.

Kathy

Jennifer said...

Shelli, there are no words that really describe just how sucky this really is. Hugs to you and Narda.

cat said...

Hey... thinking about you ladies today. What can I say but sending you love and the hope that 2006 will be a much different year for you. Full of dreams fullfilled and no more crappy walls put up in your path.

*hugs*

vixanne wigg said...

Shelli,
I'm sorry. :( That sucks. It seems like you get so many of these calls getting your hopes up and it never quite works out. I hope it does soon.

Do you mind if I ask...because I couldn't find the info on your blog...I know that you guys have used some ART right? Do both of you have problems conceiving? Also, how did you choose domestic adoption? Did you also consider international adoption? I just ask because...well...I'm curious...but also because international adoption doesn't have all this pain of the birth mother changing her mind...I just wondered.

I hope next year brings you much joy.

Sara said...

Uggghhh. That sucks!!! I'm so sorry for both of you. You are in my thoughts....

erinberry said...

I'm really sorry - What a rollercoaster you've been on.

Dee said...

Damn. I'm sorry girls. Really.

Shelli said...

Hey Rox, thanks (and thanks to all of you dears)

We did 15 cycles of donor sperm IUI's, and LOTS of them with medication. If there's no baby by March, we'll do an IVF in April (insurance gives 10k to ART, so that's all we can afford) As far as international adoption, they do not let gay and lesbian couples adopt. And we just aren't ready to pretend that we are single moms yet in order to adopt internationally.

I'm always happy to answer questions, so no worries in asking.

thanks again all - Happy New year!

Calliope said...

I am so so sorry. I can't even imagine how this feels.
Big hugs to you & Narda.

betty said...

Oh that sux. Hugs to you both.

vixanne wigg said...

Oh duh!!!! I forgot that about international adoption. :( That's just not fair...but life often isn't.

Brooke said...

We're so sorry. I wish there were something to do to help speed this up.

K77 said...

Sending you and Narda, many ((((((hugs)))))).

Beth from Rainbow Conceptions said...

Thinking of you both. God this sucks so much. :o(

Sheri said...

I am so very sorry.

LisaMarie said...

Shelli, I'm so sorry you have to go throught this. Both of you are in my prayers.

Rebecca said...

I'm SO SO sorry...this just sucks. It all sucks...infertility, the homophobia around international adoption, birthmom's changing their minds...and it's not fair that such wonderful people can't get their babies without so much heartache.

It sounds cheesy, but I hope the New Year brings better luck!

Anonymous said...

Shelli and Narda,
I've been thinking of you a lot lately. I'm sorry the adoption thing is still not working out right! I hope one of these birth mothers sees what great parents you will make soon! Lots of hugs!!
Dana (from FF)

Robin said...

Sorry to hear this sad news. Thinking of you....