Friday

The Birth Mother will go in and visit with the baby and look at photo albums on Friday.

WOW.

the waii-ting, is the hardest part

So the latest update is that the Birthmother DID call her Social Worker (SW) and left a message. The SW wasn't at her desk at the time. The baby's doctor's appointment has been moved to Friday, simply due to scheduling, nothing more.

So what does all of this mean?

That we won't know diddly squat for a while. UGH. Even if the Birth Mother (BM) DOES come into the office and looks at the books, she could take a while to decide.

It's HARD waiting. It's a WHOLE new kind "two week wait" - hmm, OK, let's see, if we count May 5th (phone call) as Ovulation and insemination day, then Thursday, May 19th would be the day we get to "POAS" (pee on a stick) to see if we are pregnant.

OK, putting into that perspective makes it all a little easier....

funny penguin

I had to watch it twice to see what was actually going on!

addicted to Flickr

this cat is FUNNY!

Hi, my name is Shelli, and I'm a Flickr addict!

You can check out my shots at

My Photos

I've been getting a LOT of shots of the kitties lately, but there's also this guy "JUNKO," who has a cat Hime - she's truly the most georgeous cat I've EVER seen!

Doing nothing and feeling guilty

OK, so in order to overcome ANXIETY about pending adoption - (either we are, or we aren't - it's a 50-50 chance that the birthmom will pick us), I made a conscious choice to do NOTHING today. It started off innocently enough - check e-mail, look at pictures on flickr: www.flickr.com/photos/shelli and check fertility friend: www.fertilityfriend.com. Have some decaf, some breakfast, then contemplate starting the day.

Then I tell myself that I need to take a brief mental break and play a little Playstation, to take my mind off of "things." I started playing the Sims Bustin Out at approx 11am.

it is now 10:38 pm, and I'm STILL in my Jammies, and I haven't left my apartment.

I should be reveling in the bliss of doing NOTHING all day, so why do I feel guilty?

Tomorrow is a BUSY day - it's our Co-op's gardening party, which I'm in charge of (really, I'm just the chief weed puller, so I get to pick what we plant in the spring) and I have to do laundry, clean the house, and take all of the Passover stuff downstairs, to our storage unit. Passover "Passed over" last week.

I think I would have enjoyed this day more if I could have truly enjoyed the guilty pleasure of doing NOTHING. I just couldn't turn off my A type personality / stage manager mind set. Now mind you, this "guilt" did not get my ass off of the couch, it just ate away at me.

If only I could learn from my precious cats, and just nap the day away, in sheer bliss...

Thanks for the cool link, John!

Take this quiz, see if you are a republican.

Thnakfully,

I am: 16% Republican.

"You're a tax-and-spend liberal democrat. People like you are the reason everyone else votes for guys like Reagan or George W."

Are You A Republican?

And um, Good luck with the puppy!

holy shit!

ok um..... the adoption agency called. A Birth mother has chosen us and another couple.



GULP


The baby was born on April 12th, and is bi-racial - East Indian Trinidadian (birth mom) and a Pale Dominican Republic Latino (birth dad). The baby scored a 9 out of 9 on the apgar, and is small, but healthy. Narda and I are going to talk it over on the weekend.

The birth mother chose us and one other couple. If Narda and I say yes, then the birth mom will look at our photo albums, and chose one couple.

It's SCARY and EXCITING to think HOLY CRAP - this could happen in a moment.

I was surprized to realize that I'd have a reaction to the baby's race. I want to be certain that it looks a little black, you know, to honor Narda. How weird am I - it's probably GEORGEOUS, and I should be smacked right now.

I'll keep you posted, just send good vibes our way....

high five

Thursday will 05/05/05


cool, huh?

lonliness

So Narda's been out of town, working on a show, and I see her once a week. It's fun every so often - I get to leave the ironing board out, play with my video games a bit more, eat on the couch, etc. But I sure do miss her.

It also, sadly, brings up old childhood shit. I was always the last picked for dodgeball. OK, let me correct that - I was the "Oh no, we have Shelli on our team" left over... I always had to ask friends out to play, and the recprocity was limited. I am still scarred from those early experiences, no matter how self-affirming I may be.

So what does this do to me as an adult? I have a tendancy to always feel left out - at home, at work, with my friends, even when that isn't the intention. I'm working on not feeling that way, but it's HARD. So now, when I'm feeling especially vunerable, I admitted to Narda that I was feeling lonely on Friday night. Saturday, one of my best friend's little brother called; he lives in Brooklyn, and was looking to move to our neighbourhood, and wanted to come over. I was thrilled. So we agreed on brunch at our house Sunday morning. It was Pesach, so I went all out, and made potato latkes, and had to wake up Narda (who needed to sleep) to keep an eye on the doorbell, as I needed to hop in the shower. As I get out of the shower, my cell phone rings, and it's Nathan, having to cancel, as he had just woken up, and would love to see me another time.

For any normal person, that would be that, no problem, totally cool. For me on a normal day, totally cool. Sunday, however, I proceded to bawl my eys out in the kitchen while making Matzah Brie.

it's been a total "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll eat some worms" Kind of weekend.

Now I know and am grateful that I am blessed to be loved by some wonderful friends, and a great family, and a beautiful and fabulous partner, but it still hurts, in a very third grade kind of hurt, which is the worst kind of hurt, because it's so primal.

what's wrong with the world...

OK, let me first state that I DID NOT TAKE THIS PICTURE. This is from the following website: http://www.fifteenthirty.com/t12.shtml

But I HAD to share it....

Sushi Coma

One of my oldest friends was in town this week from Hawaii, and we all hung out for dinner last night, and we made sushi. I LOVE SUSHI. (we made vegetarain sushi, I'm not so comfy cutting up raw fish myself, I'll leave that to the experts) I had a great time, and Thauna is one of those friends that you don't see but every few years, but when you do, your heart opens right back up to the moment you last saw one another.
It was like that.
I now, however, have a rice and soy sauce hang-over, but it was YUMMY.

Screen Cleaner

ok, my friend at work sent this to me - it makes you giggle


Screen cleaner

I shudder

idiots clapping about the ballots that passed banning gay marriage

Squirrel, Interrupted

Apparantly, this squirrel was doing something interesting, but the camera got him to stop what he was doing and pose. Everyone's a diva. baby!

I see dead people

Am I the ONLY one who has issues with constantly being bombarded with "dead Pope" images everywhere? It creeps me out a little.